I just dropped my older child off for freshman orientation. I can't believe he is a freshman in high school this year. It seems like only yesterday that I took him to preschool for the first time. He didn't really want me to leave, but eventually turned and went to make some new friends. Eleven years later, he tossed a "Love you" over his shoulder and hopped out of the car without so much as a glance back. As I drove away, I did something very unexpected ~ I teared up....and then cried all the way home. My "baby boy" is growing up. I've known it was coming, but it really hit me today when I wasn't expecting it. Wow...where has the time gone?
I went into motherhood not knowing what to expect, and I know I've stumbled along the way. Thankfully, I get my footing back, move forward, and try to learn from my mistakes. Despite the mistakes, I think my son is doing very well ~ I am so proud of my young man and who he is becoming.
Now, I'm back at square one. I have a newborn, and it's all new again ~ a girl this time. There are ways that she is so similar to her brother (she is pretty easy-going and loves to smile), but of course, there are differences, too. There are differences in me, too. That's where this blog comes in.
Over the last 14 years, I've said WAY too often, "next week" or "tomorrow" or "later", as well as "hurry up" or "maybe next time". With my new baby, I often hear the advice given to all new moms: "treasure every moment, they grow up fast". I've also read a lot recently that moms say they don't really "treasure" those moments when they're crying or fussy. Well, for me, I am treasuring every moment I get with her. Don't get me wrong, I hate hearing her cry. BUT....I know that the time where I can be enough to console her is limited. I know that the time where the worst things going on in her life are that her diaper needs changed, she needs to eat/burp, she is tired, or she just needs to know she's loved will one day turn into things that I can't easily solve. I love her little smiles. I love when she snuggles up to me, asleep with a full belly after nursing. I love the sunshine she brings into my life. I love that I am able to rock her and hold her and snuggle her and let her know that she is loved and safe with me.
The past couple of years, I've tried to stop the "next week", "tomorrow", or "some day" answers to "Mom, can we...?" and instead tried to make it happen (when within reason). Sometimes, those are the right answers, but I am trying to give a more definitive answer than those ("next Tuesday" or "tomorrow right after breakfast" or "in June after school gets out"). God has thus far blessed me with two beautiful children (and a gorgeous stepdaughter), and while I feel completely unworthy and frequently inadequate, I know that He is able to give me what I need to provide grace when I mess up. For that (and so much more), I am very thankful.
